Friday, February 10, 2006

I ain't afraid of no ghost.

Did I tell you we bought a beautiful new house? A really big new house? A really big new house in the woods? This house is scary. There is ghostses. I don't see no ghostses, and I don't hear no ghostses. But, they be there. That's what makes them sooo scary. My wife, Belinda, says I'm crazy for saying there are ghosts in this house. But, then she SAW, oh, yes, she SAW, the little baby ghost finger prints in the paint on a wall in a room I was painting. She saw, yet did not believe. Thats why I believe that when they attack they will come for her first. That was of some comfort, but then I realized I would be the one having to explain to little Bella that Mommy got taken by the ghosts because she did not believe when she saw the little baby ghostie finger prints.
Oh, and did I mention the Amityville Horror hearthroom? Big ole brick fireplace and hearth, complete with the squinty window-eyes on either side peering at you with evil squinty ghost- house intelligence. It is my theory that the only thing holding back the full evil squinty ghost- house force is the fact that that room is painted a ghost-inhibiting pea soup green (you know, the kind that Linda Blair puked in The Exorcist). And now, oh yes, and now, it is my wife's decision to paint that wall a much more ghost-friendly RED. Dried-sacrificial-blood red. All the better to eat you with, my pretties! Aaarrrrggghhhh!
can't find my Depakote, runnin low on Klonopin, make Alex ghost-filled brain, feel like a-stompin..........
can't find my Depakote, runnin low on Klonopin, make Alex ghost-filled brain, feel like a-stompin..........
can't find my Depakote, runnin low on Klonopin, make Alex ghost-filled brain, feel like a-stompin..........
can't find my Depakote, runnin low on Klonopin, make Alex ghost-filled brain, feel like a-stompin..........
can't find my Depakote, runnin low on Klonopin, make Alex ghost-filled brain, feel like a-stompin..........


What was that noise?

25 Comments:

Anonymous Melissa said...

Don't tell Big Bad Belinda, but your house is definitely haunted!!

12:27 AM  
Blogger jenB said...

damn you for putting up that Amityville house. It took me until my thirties to not be scared of imaginary red eyes on by bedroom window.

want me to fed-ex some klonapin and tyelnol with codeine?

xo

1:29 AM  
Blogger johnnydee said...

You should know that its very wrong to play on your wife's insecurities. Be careful lest she demand you get out of bed at 3 in the morning to battle such ghosties!

2:50 AM  
Blogger Britt said...

RED-RUM RED-RUM. If there is one thing that The Shining has taught me its NEVER get the natives riled up.

9:47 AM  
Blogger Alex said...

melissa - Well, at least I have one person that agrees with me. Light bulbs that burn out in at least one room in the house every day, candles that blow out on their own in draftless rooms, [shiver], Did you just feel that cold draft, too?

jenb - I LIVE in the Amityville house! Oh, and for your information, they aren't little red eyes in the windows, they are tiny little flame eyes. Or maybe I am in bad need of some Visine.

britt - Oh, I totally agree. I don't make fun of them, and they don't make fun of me getting out of a cold shower. I know they're watching.

1:57 PM  
Blogger Alex said...

johnnydee - Ok, you are right. We have talked this thing out and since I have made such a big deal of it,I am on permanent ghostie patrol. If there is so much as a mouse fart in this house I am sure I will be sent out into the creepy blackness to seek out said ghoulie or at least get the little mouse some Alka-Seltzer.

2:26 PM  
Blogger jane said...

OMG i love the name of this blog! i have a pig PLUS i snort when i laugh too hard! hahahaha welcome to our webring, alex!

6:35 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

You know I love Belinda and all but that fireplace wall is totally looking at you.

And you may snort and fart but I'm sure you're not a hog, dear.

Will Bella be getting a blog soon?

9:29 PM  
Blogger jane said...

I like that hearthroom, it's cool. sorta does have a face too. ghosts? YIKES! i believe in them but don't like admitting so. so, i take it back. i'm with belinda....no ghosts here!

12:28 AM  
Anonymous Jessica said...

Oh no -- the hearth is definitely way wrong on a bunch of levels -- plus, it's HUGE! And the outside shot of your house about scared my pants off. When you couple that with your descriptions of the weird goings-on inside your house, um, I'm thinking major insomnia, because my god, no telling what might transpire while you're sleeping!

12:05 AM  
Blogger nita said...

i grew up in a house with a 'presence'. you had better quit making fun and belinda had better start believing ...

and yay! your own voice to tell your side of all the ridiculous things you allegedly do :) and when i bookmarked you i called you 'mr ninja poodle', in case you're curious!!

6:20 AM  
Blogger Karen Rani said...

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

Ha ha. Just kidding. Welcome to the blogging world. Boy how's that for a creepy first comment?

I love your wife. She rocks.
Karen

9:08 AM  
Blogger Alex said...

jane - Thanks! I am getting my feet wet here in this blogging thing and its taking me a while to get going. Now, there is a story behind my blog name and it will be the subject of my next, eminent post.

jane - I like the look of the hearth room, too, but...it's lookin' right at ya. And, it is right outside our bedroom door. Oh, and hiding your eyes from them doesn't make them go away!

jessica - Yep. Huge fireplace. And that's not the outside of OUR house, that's a scene from the Amityville Horror. Oh, and thanks for the "what might be going on while I'm sleeping coment" I'll never sleep again!

nita - MR. NINJA POODLE? I guess I can live with that. After all, I love my wife. Oh you're right, telling my side of all her stories was a great inspiration for me to start blogging. So, for all the REAL sccops on all her stories about me just stop by here. You had a 'presence' in a house, too?

9:42 AM  
Blogger Alex said...

karen rani - 'How's that first for a first coment? Creepy. Thanks for further creeping me out. :)

Yeah, Belinda rocks.

10:55 AM  
Blogger Alex said...

Ooops. In my response to jane I meant to say, imminent post. Or maybe, imminent eminent post? Or maybe that doesn't make sense either. Maybe I should drop it.

11:01 AM  
Anonymous Duh-mension said...

It stuns me how much you and Belinda have going on in your lives. Now there are ghosts! Cripes. Maybe they are spirits of departed interior designers bent on guiding you to another wall color.
Smiles :)

4:53 PM  
Blogger Belinda said...

The things he "allegedly" does? BWAHAHAHAAAAAAA. Sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride. I just now had to leave the room where he was watching commentary of Olympic figure skating, and making gay double-entendres of EVERY comment. And the fact that the guy's name is "Dick Button" is not helping.

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